


Please Sign Here

by dragonsir



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Based on a fanart, Crack, Frottage, Groping, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Romance, Seduction, catofcream, dubcon, i guess, voice seduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 02:13:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5479502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonsir/pseuds/dragonsir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If even a wizard cannot persuade a hobbit to embark on a dangerous journey, what can a dwarf king do to change his mind?</p><p>Well, seducing him might do the trick.</p><p> </p><p>Based on a fanart by catofcream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Sign Here

**Author's Note:**

> A small fic based on [this](http://catofcream.tumblr.com/post/111509316744/i-dont-know-if-it-was-what-that-you-mean-but-i) comic by [catofcream](http://catofcream.tumblr.com). Check out their amazing art on tumblr!

 

“I’m sorry, Gandalf. I can’t sign this,” Bilbo got out of his armchair and looked regretfully at the wizard. “You’ve got the wrong hobbit.”

Bilbo left the parlour and padded to his bedroom, unaware of the two dwarves watching his retreat from the hall.

“It appears we have lost our burglar,” Balin sighed. As soon as the hobbit was out of their sight, Thorin turned to Balin and smirked. The old dwarf did not look impressed.

“Have we?” Thorin said.

 

* * *

 

Music flowed into every corner of Bilbo’s smial. Deep and sensuous, it drifted through his open bedroom door, lulling him into a trance as his eyes fell shut. The fire crackled in the hearth, and Bilbo was transported to far off mountains where the eagles soared in the sky, to dark caverns where dwarves delved jewels out of unyielding rock. He leaned his head against the bedpost, listening to the voice that stood out from the others.

Thorin Oakenshield’s.

Thorin’s voice was like the thunder of a summer storm, a rumble that sounded from the depths of the earth, looming in the sky after the crack of lightening. It rose and fell like the valleys and ridges in the world beyond, glimmering like moonlight on fresh-rained grass.

Bilbo shuddered, eyes still closed, as the song came to an end. The hobbit felt heat creeping into his cheeks and ears. The air felt close and a little too warm. Bilbo stretched and wiggled his toes.

“He has such a lovely voice,” he sighed.

“My voice isn’t the only lovely thing that I have.”

Bilbo’s startled and his eyes shot open. Thorin stood in his doorway, the hall lights framing him like a halo, as if his raven hair was plated in gold. The corner of the dwarf’s mouth was curled slightly. He crossed his huge arms that could probably break the hobbit in half. Bilbo wondered how the dwarf’s bicep would feel under his hand when Thorin flexed…

“M-Master Thorin, I-um…” Bilbo swallowed and fidgeted on the edge of his bed. It wasn’t as if Thorin was the first attractive male to enter his bedroom and toss innuendos at him, but it had already been a rather awkward night. What with him fainting, being a less than stellar host to his (uninvited) guests, and having the completely reasonable urge to throttle the wizard with his own staff, Bilbo didn’t quite know what to do with himself. Especially when Thorin grinned as if he wanted to devour the hobbit whole.

“Relax Master Baggins,” the king purred.

Bilbo did not relax; his groin was making a valiant attempt to rip through his trousers.

Thorin kicked the door closed and strode toward Bilbo, head bent to ogle at him through his dark eyelashes. Bilbo squeaked, blushing furiously, as he attempted to keep his eyes on Thorin’s face. That was a mistake, since that mouth looked achingly delicious, and that beard would probably scratch against his cheek in the most delightful way, and that nose-

That nose brushed against Bilbo’s and he jerked backwards up the bed. Thorin followed him, bracing his left arm next to Bilbo on the bed and slipping his right hand under one of Bilbo’s bracers.

“We could make such sweet music together…” Thorin whispered over Bilbo’s lips. His breath smelled of bitter pipe smoke and the beef stew the hobbit had hastily made for him earlier. Bilbo whimpered as Thorin pulled the bracer off of his shoulder and nudged his legs apart. He cupped Bilbo’s ear and stroked the shell gently with his thumb. Bilbo whined, face and neck burning with desire. He arched his hips up and gasped when he felt Thorin’s erection against his own. Thorin hissed and ripped Bilbo’s shirt open, the pearl buttons popping all over the bedspread.

Bilbo sputtered indignantly and thwacked the dwarf over the head with his elbow. Thorin chuckled, not at all fazed (the bastard) and bit at the skin over Bilbo’s jaw, making the hobbit squirm and forget the mistreatment of his shirt. The dwarf bit a trail down Bilbo’s chin to his ear and sucked eagerly on his earlobe. The hobbit groaned.

“…if only you’d sign that contract,” Thorin sighed into his ear.

“Mmm yes…wait-what?!” Bilbo demanded, scrabbling at Thorin’s chest, trying to push him away.

Thorin pulled back to smirk at him. “It would be such a shame if you decided not to come with us. We would have several long months on the road.” The dwarf’s eyes became hooded as he peered at Bilbo.

“There will be a number of inns on the way,” Thorin pinched one of the hobbit’s nipples, making him gasp. “They would have very comfortable beds, large ones, perfect for numerous activities of…pleasure.” Thorin’s grin went feral as he ground his hips into Bilbo’s erection. Bilbo cried out and bucked up his hips, desperate for more. “I am curious as to how flexible hobbits can be in bed.” He lifted Bilbo’s legs by his calves and wrapped them around his waist so that Bilbo’s cock jutted into Thorin’s stomach.

“Of course, we won’t always be able to sleep in an inn and the nights will grow cold as we travel. We will need to find _some_ way to keep warm.” He squeezed Bilbo through his trousers and the hobbit dug his nails into Thorin’s fur coat, whimpering as his bare chest rasped against the dwarf’s rough armour.

“So- _ugnhh_ ,” Bilbo started while Thorin ground his belly against the hobbit's cock. “You…you would- could you kindly _stop that_ \- you’d whore yourself out to me just- _Oh!_ -just so I go on this ridiculous quest?” Thorin growled and bit at Bilbo’s cheek.

“Yes, I would.”

“Can a king- _gaah!_ \- can a king even _do_ that?”

“ _I_ can,” Thorin said and nipped at Bilbo’s lip. “Besides,” Thorin gazed down at Bilbo, his face softer and more open. “How could any king resist such a decadent feast such as yourself?” He leaned down and brushed his lips over Bilbo’s. Bilbo ran his tongue over Thorin’s lips, tasting the pipe smoke and something else underneath, something entirely _Thorin_.

Thorin pulled away and rested his forehead against Bilbo’s. The hobbit stared into his gorgeous eyes, watching the crinkles around Thorin’s eyes shift as the dwarf smiled softly. Bilbo’s breath seemed to be taking a long holiday from his lungs.

“I suppose he couldn’t,” he breathed.

Thorin grinned, his entire face lighting up like a bright fire in a warm hearth. He reached around Bilbo’s waist to squeeze his ass, then claimed his mouth in a fiery kiss. Bilbo moaned and sucked on Thorin’s tongue, hands scraping at the bedsheets beneath him.

After Thorin finally pulled back, Bilbo gasped for air and wiggled his hips against Thorin’s belly. The dwarf groaned and raked his fingernails down Bilbo’s stomach.

“Well, Master Baggins?” Thorin breathed against Bilbo’s neck. “Do we have a deal?”

“Umm…” Bilbo could hardly think when Thorin’s fingers reached his waist band. “I, uh,” the dwarf began to unlace the hobbit’s trousers as he rubbed his jaw against Bilbo’s neck. His beard felt delicious against his flushed skin and Thorin finally got his trousers open and pushed his small clothes down his thighs and then he slid all the way down Bilbo’s body and opened his mouth to take in the head of Bilbo’s cock and then-

_“Ohh, Thorin!! Alright, I’ll sign it, I’ll sign it!!!!”_

 

* * *

 

Elsewhere in the hobbit’s house, twelve dwarves and a wizard were looking through the spare rooms and halls for space to settle in for the night when they heard a very loud and aroused wail.

**_“OH, ERU, THORIN!! I'LL SIGN IT, YES!!!”_ **

Most of the dwarves snorted and cackled, especially Fíli and Kíli, and Gandalf muttered something about “taking unnecessary measures.” But there was a twinkle in his eye as he murmured a few indiscernable words in the direction of the hobbit's bedroom and the enthusiastic shouts muffled considerably.

In the parlour, Bofur knocked out his pipe in the ashtray and said, “You were right, Balin.” Balin placed a hand on his shoulder and winked at Dwalin, who rolled his eyes and handed his money to Nori (as did everyone else, except for Balin, Óin, and Gandalf).

“Of course I was right," Balin declared. "As I said, Thorin can be _very_ persuasive.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I know Thorin is canonically about as smooth as bedrock in a blender, but I love writing Bilbo as a spluttering, blundering (and slightly turned on) mess. One day, I will not write them OOC, but today is not this day :)
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](http://dragonsir.tumblr.com)!


End file.
